Things to never do. Pt. 1

Never work with someone you date, or vice versa. If you are married already, then disregard. If you are still single and contemplating a workplace romance, stop, and continue reading.

The situation I'm personally referring to will be discussed in full detail later on in the blog, but for now I just need to get this out in writing.

When you date someone you work with, everything, and I mean everything, can be amazing.  Your productivity can increase, morale can go up, and you may actually enjoy going to work just to see your potential love.  However, on days that go sour in your dating life, it will no doubt bleed into your work environment.

I dated a woman with whom I work.  We were never officially committed to each other, but dated for almost three months.  When it went south, and our relationship ended, so did the most dynamic work place team in the history of the company.  The worst part, by far, is still having to work with your ex after the breakup, especially if there is any animosity after the fact, and is this case, there is a lot.

While at work, you have to maintain the guise of professionalism and civility, but on the inside, you are seething.  In my case, I have no choice but to end up collaborating with my ex.  The work we produce together is now less than perfect, barely resembling past jobs due to the lack of and failure to communicate effectively, just because we loathe talking to one another.  That limits talks to just the facts, no idea storming or future planning.  Now just the bare minimum is done in order to satisfy our mutual requirements.  I literally cannot stand the sound of her voice.  When she speaks in my vicinity, I instantly clench my jaw and pray that I can find any excuse to get out of earshot of her once alluring, but now grating voice.  The woman I once saw as amazing, beautiful, and intelligent beyond compare now seems dull, ugly, and annoying.  I feel the anger of our breakup fully even now, two months later.  Days that I do not work with her, are a gift from whichever god you pray to.  When my daily taskings do not involve her or her section, I can continue on and do my usual level of stellar workmanship. If our paths cross, my anger rises, I become unfocusdd, and seemingly menial tasks end up becoming impossible to fathom or complete on time.

This blog is supposed to be my outlet for these feelings, but as I type this, I am stuck in the same area as her, and wish on some level that I was a woman myself....

...if only for the fact that I could punch her in the face and not be prosecuted.

Venn Diagrams of TRUTH.. mostly

I've had, on more than one occasion, a conversation that goes something along the lines of the following:  Women are one of three things - Single, Married, or Crazy.  Which one your woman may fall in depends on the lady having two of the following three factors: Being good looking (HOT), being smart, and nice.

HOT + SMART = CRAZY

SMART + NICE = SINGLE

NICE + HOT = MARRIED

Let me explain a little further before anyone gets annoyed or angry here.

The crazy girl is very very very good looking.  She is also very smart.  This in turn means that she knows, for a fact, that she is attractive, and uses it to her advantage.  These women (in this rationale anyway) can get anything they want, and they feel the need to do whatever they want, whenever they want.  When (if) that does not happen, they will burn the world around you, hence the "crazy" label.

The single girl is single for one reason, and one reason only:  Men are pigs.  This smart, nice, most likely wonderful woman is single because she lacks one thing.  Beauty.  Regardless of how amazing someone may be on the inside, they are first judged, and sought after, by their outward appearance.  Given, many women on this scale will find their Mr. Right, but usually that comes much later in life, or when the woman decides that they just need to lower their standards to get a taste of the opposite sex.

The married girl is the one you want.  She's beautiful, has a sunny disposition, and cares deeply about... not you.  Yep, that's right boys, she's already taken.  If you find a woman who meets the hot and nice criterion, chances are someone else has met her before you and realized that she is a keeper, and you can't have her.

I was perusing the interwebs and happened across a few more venn diagrams that illustrate some variants on this situation.  I'm going to post them at the end of this rant for some comedic insight.  But first, I need to do a little more explanation.

Women, of course, do not always fall into these categories.  Anyone who didn't find the love of their life on their first date knows this for a fact.  You cannot, and should never, categorize women.  To categorize a woman, means that you understand that woman, and to understand that woman, you would have to be, yourself, a woman.  This reminds me of one of my most favorite quotes:

"Do not try to understand women.  Women understand women, and that's why they hate each other"

I bring up this whole venn diagram scenario for one purpose only.  I wanted to illustrate a little bit of insight into the male gender, more specifically those that I have encountered in my nearly three decades of life thus far.  Typically, men have no clue what women want, say, mean, etc...  To combat the feelings of complete and utter despair that we get when we do try to figure out what the hell the female gender is talking about, we make jokes and try to forget the fact that understanding women is nearly impossible.  Having said that, I acknowledge that I am no expert on women.  I know what I know, and that's all that I'll claim to know.  When I give you the more detailed explanations on my relationships, I'll give insight into how I figured the lady I was dating at the time felt, and then, upon retrospection, tell you how my views since the relationship ended have changed or been modified based on later experiences and the knowledge gained after the fact.

I think that pretty much sums it up for now.  Enjoy the following idiocracy of the interwebs!

How to mend a broken heart.

First of all, welcome to my blog.  There are a few things you should know, if you happen to end up reading this by some odd reason.

A. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for me.  I decided that I no longer want to waste my time moping around over a woman, and figured that a chronological journal of my past relationships might help me recover enough information to decide how to best move forward and onward with my life.

B. I've been a dick before, and probably will be again.  I have done some pretty stupid things to women, and even more stupid things for them.  If you understand, more power to you!  If not, see bullet point A.

C. This will be started in chronological order, from my first experience with the female gender, up to the most recent heartache.  I do intend to add in tidbits here and there that may cross my mind during the course of the day, and those will be separately labeled as LESSONS, as opposed to the main content of the blog which shall be titled with pseudonyms of the women in the story, so as not to bring anyone undue shame or success.

D. If by some stray chance you think anything on this blog is about you, you're probably wrong.  If you happen to figure out that it is you that I'm referring to, you're still wrong.  I am the type of person who will admit my misgivings at any point in time without fear, but for the sake of my goal with this project, I will not identify you or anyone else I may write about, so deal with it.

E. Yes, I am pretty awesome.  But even amazing people have hard times dealing with women.  I have dated for the better part of two decades now, and I have been with / around / inside many types of women.  You may be saying to yourself "well no wonder he's single and broken hearted; he's a manwhore!".  At one point in my life, your statement would have been 100% correct, however my road has taken many different turns, and I have changed numerous times throughout, whether the change is good or bad, it all ends up making me who I am today.  I like me, and I don't really mind if you don't feel the same.


I plan to start posting shortly, and keep the updates rolling until I figure out exactly what I can do to stop the current painful situation I am in.  If you read it, I hope you enjoy the good, bad, vulgar, funny, shameful, depressing, humorous situations I will describe.

Sincerely,

WomenAreImpossible